Drinking By Myself
by CrystalMichelle
Summary: Entry for 100 Monkey's O/S Song Contest. Song: 38 Special. Jasper reminisces on his and Edwards friendship while knocking back a few too many beers. Rated M for Mature Themes. AU, Slash E/J
1. Chapter 1

**Song: .38 Special by 100 Monkeys**

**Pairing: Jasper/Edward**

**Rating: M – for adult themes**

**Word Count: 3544**

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight… 100 Monkeys owns this song…. Me? I own nothing :(**

Leaving the store I walk down the street slowly towards my office, a six pack in my left hand and a bag of office supplies in my right. My mood is exceptionally bitter having spoken with Edward on the phone, again, before entering the store. I know he means well but I just want to be left alone to wallow in my own pity tonight.

I take the path through the park, hoping it will be longer. There are people out tonight… a group forming around one of the locals that frequents the park. He sits there with his guitar, plucking out a smooth rhythm and singing, his voice deep and controlled… the kind of talent I used to look for. A few people are having more than a good time, even drinking from bottles covered with brown paper bags. I shake my head and trudge forward… wishing I still lived in those days.

It's my 30th birthday and instead of being a day of celebration with family and friends I don't have, it has only served as a reflection of the poor choices I have made in my life. The last thing I want to do is hang out with the only person who still puts up with me, and who I happen to have been in love with for years.

The walk doesn't take long enough and I am standing in front of my office building waiting for the guard to open the door. He doesn't look surprised to see me here this late… I rarely leave to begin with. He welcomes me with his usual greeting, "Evenin' Mr. Whitlock," and I nod my head in acknowledgement.

I look at the building surrounding me and feel sick to my stomach. I take off running towards the elevator to be rid of the sight. This was once a place I was proud of… a respectable recording label that I worked hard for. Now I have turned it into a sell-out, taking any and every artist that sounds like whoever is at the top of the Billboard charts. The musical integrity is gone and greediness has taken over… whatever it takes to make the most money.

Edward used to tell me that I was going to reform the music industry, bring music back to its roots with real artists and real singers… real talent. It was my dream. I was so tired of hearing voices altered and transformed, and music being created with a computer instead of instruments. You lose the soul that comes through when someone sits behind a guitar and just sings.

I started this place right after college graduation with money my parents left me when they died the year before. With a degree in music production, some lucky connections, and an artist sure to be a hit, I felt unstoppable. Of course, then I had Edward… my right hand man… my best friend and unrequited love supporting me. I guess in some ways I still do… even after everything he hasn't deserted me. God knows I deserve it.

I fumble my way down a hall and into my office, throwing all but one of the beers into the mini fridge and slumping into the chair behind my desk.

Around the same time I started my business, he came out to me. I'd known since I was a teenager that I preferred boys, but never knew Edward had been hiding this from me. He claimed that it was only recently that he figured it out, but could tell he had always been. I was shocked beyond belief, even a bit hopeful that maybe I could have my best friend after all. I stopped going to the clubs to pick up guys after that, hoping my lack of a companion would result in something… anything.

But he never showed an interest in me. I tried to be there for him as much as possible, but it hurt knowing after all that time, wishing he was gay, that he still didn't want me. About a year later he found a guy, Jake. They moved in together and my heart broke… I would never have him. So I started picking up guys again.

Then I threw my whole self into my business, working my ass off to keep it running and having new talent on a regular basis. As a result, I blew off Edward… a lot. He understood at first, but then I started to see the hurt in his eyes. That only pushed me to work more. At some point, I don't know when, the money started to get to me. With all the work I put in, the place was flourishing.

Material things started to matter to me and I got greedy. Soon I didn't think we were pulling in enough money so I expanded what we looked for in artists. My standards fell and the integrity was lost. Now we just search for the next teen idol.

My office is lavish with expensive art on the wall, a black leather couch to lounge on, and all the most modern furniture. I hate looking at it now. It mocks the person I used to be, the person I wish I still was. I get up and turn the light off… hoping the darkness will conceal my shame. Instead the moon shines through the wall made entirely of windows.

I catch a gleam out of the corner of my eye and turn to see the moon reflecting off of my old acoustic guitar that sits in the corner of the room. I stare at it longingly as I pop open the top and drink down half my beer. It has been so long since I've played… would I even remember how?

I down the rest of my beer and get a second out of the fridge, grabbing my guitar on the way back to my seat. Holding it brings back a rush of memories… ones full of hope and love. Days spent in the campus courtyard with Edward, playing and singing together. Nights up on a roof, sounds coming only from our fingertips; hours and hours of plucking out talent in the studio.

I down my second beer and smack it back on my desk. My fingers slide up and down the neck of the guitar, caressing the strings and finding a familiar position. My eyes close and my other hand smooths over the body and moves down to the strings, gliding along them and creating an awful sound. Years of neglect has it out of tune.

I get up and go back to the fridge, grabbing the rest of the cans and bring them to my desk. I sit back down and open another beer before picking the guitar up again and start tuning it. Working the instrument is like riding a bike, my fingers haven't forgotten. Soon enough it sounds right again and I play a familiar tune… the first one that comes to mind… the one that Edward and I always played together. The words aren't necessary to me, the music enough to reach into my heart and tear it out.

I miss my friend more than anything… more than I hate myself now. It hurts me to think about how I've treated him these last years. He's never deserved it, just like I don't deserve him in my life. I don't deserve anything.

I throw the guitar across the room and it smashes against the wall, falling to pieces like my heart. I sigh with frustration and finish my third beer, quickly opening a fourth and working on that one. The liquid is thick as it runs down my throat, but still not drowning my sorrow.

How have I let my life get like this? It's not a life at all. I have no one to share anything with. No one to love me the way I wish Edward would.

I face my computer and turn it on, opening up the safe folder. In there I have hidden away, for my nights of sulking, a folder full of memories. Memories of me and Edward before things changed and I became a workaholic dick. They are organized by years and I open the first one… high school.

The image that opens first takes my breath away… it is one of my favorites. I took it the day I met Edward, before I introduced myself. He was sitting on a bench under the massive tree in the school's outside lunch area. He was by himself a guitar in his lap, playing a slow tune with his eyes closed. The picture captured him beautifully… his hair caught in the wind and a mess from his fingers, his creamy skin glowing in the rare sunlight. I wanted him even then.

I'm already on my fifth beer as I flip through the next few pictures and I can finally feel the effect the alcohol is having on me. My face feels flush and pliable, the room unstable beyond my monitor. Perhaps I should have eaten dinner… or lunch.

I remember every moment taken in these photographs, the memories not tainted with time. These were some of the best years of my life. I wish living was as easy as it was back then. There were no cares in my world; as long as I had Edward and a guitar I was good… the rest didn't matter.

Moving on to the next folder, college, my heart wrenches. Edward and I were roommates all four years. First year was when I realized that I was in love with him, that it was more than just attraction to my best friend.

A few pictures in I come across one taken at a trip to the beach during spring break our sophomore year. Someone else took it, capturing us acting like kids and building a sandcastle. It was so childish but we didn't care, laughing as we dug a moat. I can't remember the last time I saw Edward that happy, or even when I was that happy.

The next picture was taken only a few minutes after the one before. I'm staring at Edward, the love clear in my eyes as I watched him fill the moat with ocean water. I remember thinking that I was so lucky to have him, someone so much like me, a kindred spirit… except I couldn't have him the way I wanted to.

I open the last beer as I come to the last picture in the folder, graduation day. Edward and I stand beside each other, arms around waists and posing for his mom. We are looking at each other, proud and excited. I was worried earlier that day that he might be leaving town, leaving me, for a medical program across the country. But right before the ceremony he told me his plans to stay in Washington… that he couldn't bear to leave his family and friends.

He didn't know it, but I had plans to follow him if he did decide to move. I couldn't live without him, my best friend. He was the only family I had left. The year before my parents died in a car accident. It was rough and I had a hard time handling it, but Edward was there for me the whole time, making sure I ate and had a shoulder to cry on.

I switch to the next folder containing all the pictures after college. The first few were in the month following graduation and before my label company was started. Edward and I took off on a road trip to celebrate, driving along the coast to the tip of California, hitting all the best beaches for surfing. It was a trip I will never forget.

It was on our last stop before returning to Seattle that Edward told me. We were sitting on the beach, the setting sun casting brilliant colors across the sky. The moments after I heard the words leave his lips my heart soared with hope, then came crashing back down when I looked in his eyes. They weren't hopeful but troubled, like he was worried. I never really knew why, but I reassured him that there was nothing to worry about between us. We would always be best friends.

I finish off the last beer and finish flipping through the rest of the photos. Opening day… the first record… the first chart topping single. Edward isn't in many of these, his medical program taking up more of his time. He was always there though, supporting me through everything.

I go to take another chug of beer and remember the can is empty. Fuck, I've already finished off a six pack? Looking at the clock on my desk I see that it's 11pm. Good, my birthday is almost over. But now the store is closed and I can't get any more alcohol. I could go home and see what's there but I live too far away to walk in my condition.

I stumble over to the fridge and yank it open… empty. Damn!

Oh wait! My flask, I always forget about it being in my desk. Sitting back down in the chair I slowly open the drawer, afraid that it might not be there. Only a few inches open and I already see the glimmer of stainless steel. My eyes close for a minute, thankful that I saved it. I pull the drawer open all the way and see it laying there next to my gun case.

Picking it up, I shake it lightly. Half full… that should be enough to thoroughly fuck me up.

I spin the cap and take a swig, relishing in the burn that the whiskey leaves in its path. Turning back to the computer, I flip to the last image in the folder… and of me and Edward. It was taken not too long after he met Jake. It was his birthday and a group of us went to a club to celebrate.

I bring the flask to my lips and drink some down.

The picture was taken close to the end of the night. I spent most of it watching him and Jake dance. I remember how happy Edward looked and how ashamed I felt for not being happy for him. I never let him know that of course, on the outside I pretended.

That was almost six years ago. SIX YEARS!

Two more swigs.

I can't even think of any occasion since then that would warrant pictures. I have pretty much turned down any of Edward's attempts to have us and some friends hang out. I still see him from time to time, but only him. It's too hard to watch him with Jake. After all this time they are still together, and Edward still seems happy.

More whiskey.

I've been such an awful friend. Why has he stuck by my side for so long? If the tables were turned would I have done the same? Maybe... if I were the Jasper he used to know.

I've been blowing him off for six years and still he tries. Even today, he called me three times to try and get me to hang out for my birthday and I refused him every time. He deserves someone so much better than me.

He has someone better than me.

I flip back to the first image and take another sip out of my flask. His gorgeous face takes up the screen and I feel a tear escape my watery eyes. He is beautiful inside and out… I am only empty.

I should just let him be rid of me. Then he could live the rest of his happy life without worrying about me. But do I have the strength to live without _him_? No of course not. He is all I have left and I don't really even have him. There is nothing left for me. No family... I've abandoned all my friends… my business is a sell-out.

I turn and see that the drawer I pulled my flask from is still open. My gun case sits there, almost mockingly. I pull it out and set it in front of me, popping it open and taking the .38 special out. It's hard to grasp in my wobbling hands, but I can tell it is loaded. I set it next to the case on the desk and look back at the image of Edward.

His life would be better without me. And what life would I be leaving behind? This isn't living. I haven't felt alive in so long. I'm like a zombie, just skulking from one day to the next.

I pick up my cell phone and start a new message, typing up a goodbye. He would never forgive me if I didn't say anything. He might not anyways… but at least I won't be a burden.

I have to close one eye to focus on the phone. It takes a bit of time with my trembling hands and blurred vision.

_Edwrd_

_Im sory fo r being such an awful friend. You have always been ther for me and Ive only let you down time nd time again. Im ashamed of who Ive become, and I dont want to be this Jasper anymore. _

_So… sorry for evrything. Please dont let this get you down. Its not your fault. Im the one not worth anything. _

_Live your life and be happy. Be what I couldnt be. _

_I love you E. Always._

_Jazz_

I press the send button, then turn the phone off and lean back in my chair staring at his picture. I try to remember what it feels like to be as happy as I was back then, to be happy at all. But I can't. I can only feel the pain and longing, the ache that has consumed me for years. No matter how much I tried to let him go, I couldn't.

Now I won't have to, I can go out with the image of his gorgeous face.

I finish off the flask and set it back in the drawer. Looking back at my phone I wish that I could hear his voice one last time… to hear his laugh again, my favorite sound. It is more beautiful than any music.

My shaking hand reaches for the gun. It's cool and heavy in my grasp.

I've never shot it before, never needed to.

I use my other hand to steady the weapon and click the safety off. My heart races as I turn it, pointing at my chest. I close my eyes and breathe deeply through my nose. This is the right decision. No one needs me and no one will be burdened by me anymore.

I press the barrel directly over my heart so I won't miss, and cock it with my thumb. My finger hovers beside the trigger. I take one more glance at the computer, smiling at the serene look on Edward's face.

I close my eyes and take one last deep breath. Many images of Edward flash behind my lids and I smile, glad that he will be the last thing I see.

Just as a finger wraps around the trigger, ready to pull, the door flies open and crashes against the wall. The sudden burst scares me. My body jerks, and my finger pulls the trigger.

Pain courses through me and I see Edward run to me just before my world goes black.

…_don't die…_

…_my best friend…_

…_fucking bastard…_

…_need you…_

…_I love you…_

Beep… Beep… Beep… Beep… Beep…

What the hell is that noise?

My eyes slowly flutter open, taking in the hospital room surrounding me. My head is pounding and my shoulder aches. What happened?

I turn my head towards the beeping noise and see the machines they have me hooked up to. They could at least turn the damned volume down.

A flash of bronze catches my attention and I notice Edward sitting in a chair next to my bed, holding my hand and laying his head on his arm against the mattress. His shoulders are shaking slightly and when I ignore the loud machine next to me I can hear his soft crying.

"Ed… Edward" I croak out. His head shoots up and I instantly regret last night. The look on his face is heartbreaking… worse than the pain of not being with him. I did this to him. His eyes are bloodshot and watery, tears flowing past the dark circles beneath them. His hair is in disarray, more than usual, from his fingers running through it and pulling roughly.

He stares at me for a moment though the tears never stop. The emotions in his eyes changing with every second that passes… anger, sadness, worry, love.

I open my mouth to say something, but before I can utter a single word he is out of his seat and leaning over me. I gasp in shock and pain from jerking my head back to see him. His face is only inches from mine, green eyes ablaze with determination.

Then his lips are on mine and I feel alive again.

**AN: Please visit ****TeamFireandIce for contest information and other entries. Thanks DreamingPoet1988 for beta-ing :) **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Disclaimer: I only **_**wish**_** these boys were mine!**

**AN: Yea! I finally am updating this story. I really loved this one and wanted to continue it. Thank you everyone who reviewed and encouraged me to write more for this one. Hope you all enjoy the rest of it too. It won't be too long I think. Maybe just a few chapters. **

**EPOV**

"Come on, Jazz. It's your birthday, and I haven't seen you in _weeks_. Let's hang out, just the two of us, and go get some drinks." I can hear the desperation in my own voice and it makes me feel ridiculous. I should know better by now.

"I'm sorry, E. I just don't feel up to doing anything tonight. I'm just going to go to my office and listen to some demos. Then probably crash on the couch." I can hear him sigh, just like he does every time he lies to me. But I know a loosing battle when I see one, and there have been a lot more these last couple years.

"Alright, but if you change your mind, doesn't matter what time it is, just call me. Okay?" I smile just a little bit because I know the couple seconds he doesn't answer is because he is nodding his head, forgetting that I can't see him for the non-verbal acknowledgement. But then his voice drifts back through the phone and I'm left in the same slump I've been in for a while now.

"Sure thing. I'll talk to you later E."

"Bye Jazz." He doesn't hear my words though, because the phone clicked off after he said my name.

What is it going to take to get my best friend back? It seems like over the years he falls further and further into a rut that I can't pull him out of.

As long as we have known each other, we have been best friends. We have been through everything, good and bad, together and there was nothing we couldn't do if we had each other. But now I feel like I am failing him, like I can't help him, and it makes my heart ache.

I haven't felt this bad since the day I told him I was gay. It took me forever to realize it, but only minutes later to know that I loved him as more than just a best friend. When I finally worked up the balls to tell him I was so scared and nervous. Not because he might reject me, but because he wouldn't want me like I wanted him.

And my fears were realized when he said there was nothing to worry about and that we would always be best friends. It was then that I knew he would never see me like I saw him. And I could never live without Jasper, so I decided then and there that I would move on for both our sakes.

It wasn't really as easy as that, but I tried and soon enough I met Jake, tall with dark skin and black hair. He's strong and funny and takes care of me in a way no lover ever has before.

My love for Jasper has never diminished, never been sent to the back burner, and has never been overshadowed. But life with Jake is easy and comfortable, and maybe one day I will love him as much as he loves me.

In the meantime, I've been there for Jasper as much as possible. As much as Jake means to me, Jasper has always been the most important person in my life, whether he realizes it or not. And I don't believe he does. Never the less, I've encouraged him and helped him as he built his business. I don't really agree with what it has become these days, but it's all he seems to care about anymore.

I noticed about a year ago that he would blow me off more often. I didn't think much of it then, but looking back now I wish I had nipped it in the butt early on before it escalated to weeks before we saw one another. I don't know why…

"Edward?" I look up into dark brown eyes full of an emotion I've never seen there before.

I jump up from the couch and touch a hand to Jake's cheek. "What's the matter baby?"

His eyes close and he shakes his head. A tear drops from the corner clenched lids and a panic washes over me. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly before opening his eyes back up, now full of determination.

"I… I'm leaving Edward." I can feel my eyes go wide with shock.

"What? Why? What did I do Jake? I'm so sorry for whatever it is I did, but please tell me. Why?" He pulls me to sit next to him on the couch and I'm thankful this isn't going to turn into a scornful argument. Not that I've ever had one with Jake before anyways.

"It's not what you did Edward. It's who you love and it's not me. Every time I hear you talk to him on the phone, the disappointment in your voice breaks my heart. I do love you, but I want you to be happy and you need to be with the one you love." I can't do anything but stare at him. Am I that transparent?

He notices my confusion and says, "It's not hard to tell. I've always known Edward. You've been in love with him since I met you, and who knows how long before then. I just hoped I could make you love me more. But your heart only wants him. And besides, I deserve to be with someone who will love me as much as you love Jasper. I don't want to be in a relationship that will never go anywhere. I don't want that for either of us."

"Oh God, Jake. I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. And I have always cared about you." He stops me there.

"Yes, but caring about someone is not the same as being in love with them." I look down and nod my head. He is completely right. I've been such a selfish bastard.

"You're right Jake. You do deserve more that what I can give you. You are an amazing man. I hope that you can forgive me and more so that you can find someone who will love you with all their heart." He takes my hand in his and I look back into his face. I can see the love there and it makes me sad that it could never be enough for me.

"Edward, you need to talk to Jasper. Tell him how you feel. You deserve to know, and if he doesn't reciprocate then you can truly move on with your life."

"I don't know Jake. He made it pretty clear early on that we were only going to be best friends. And he has never hinted at wanting more. He has never said anything to suggest he felt otherwise. I don't want to say anything that will ruin what little bit of time I have with him now." I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes and Jake lifts a finger to wipe away a stray.

"There is no time left. When was the last time the two of you spent more than a couple hours together? It's been almost four years at least. Think about it. It was a few months after you and I moved in together. Since then, you only have lunch together. And he turns down almost everything that would involve seeing you and I together."

Wait, what? How did I not notice this? It's been four years since we have done anything together. That can't be true.

No, Jake is right! But why is he bringing the last bit up?

"I don't understand what you are trying to say Jake." He gives me that small smile he gets when he thinks I'm being naïve. It's a bit condescending but I ignore it in favor of the words that will follow.

"He doesn't like to see us together. And I've seen the way he looks at you when you're in my arms. He can barely stand it."

I close my eyes when his words sink in; spreading a hope I haven't felt since I realized I wanted Jasper. I squeeze Jake's hand barely able to control the emotions rolling through me. His arms come to wrap around me and I don't notice I'm crying until Jake's hand rubs my back trying to sooth my sobs.

"You should go tonight, Edward. You have nothing to loose and wouldn't it be worth having your friend back, and in more ways than one?" I chuckle in his arms and he lets me go.

"Jake, how can you be so… why don't you hate me right now? After all these years I haven't been able to love you properly and here you are giving me love advice for another man. It makes no sense you know." The love I saw before flashes in his eyes again briefly and I hold my breath.

"Because I love you enough to let you go, to let you be with the man you heart wants. And if I have to physically force you out that door to go find your happiness, I will because seeing you truly happy will make me happy." I can't help flinging myself into his arms. I wrap mine around his neck and squeeze tight.

"Fuck, Jake. I have never deserved you, have I? You are going to make some lucky bastard beyond happy some day." He doesn't say anything, just holds me tightly for a minute longer and then stands up. I catch his sly tear wiping motion but don't say anything. I don't want to make him more upset.

"Alright, Eddie. Time for you to go get your man. And don't forget your jacket. It's fucking cold outside." His smile is warm and I kiss him on the cheek as I make my way out. I stop before I leave wondering what this means for the two of us.

"Jake, what…" He cuts me off before I can finish. The bastard does know me too well.

"We will figure it out tomorrow, E. Right now, you need to go to him." I nod my head and take one more minute to look at the man I've been with for the last six years. I could never regret the time I had with him, but I know he is right. We both deserve more than this.

"Bye Jake," I say before turning and walking down the steps and onto the street.

He whispers his goodbye and shuts the door.

He was right, again. It is cold out here. I'm glad I live fairly close to Jaspers office. I'm only a few minutes down the road when I hear my phone chirp. It's pretty late so I pull it out thinking Jake needed to say something else.

I see Jasper's name at the top of the text and my heart skips a few beats. I quickly read through it and for a moment I'm confused by it. He is clearly drunk and it takes some deciphering, but then it starts to sink in and I read it again.

_Edwrd_

_Im sory fo r being such an awful friend. You have always been ther for me and Ive only let you down time nd time again. Im ashamed of who Ive become, and I dont want to be this Jasper anymore. _

_So… sorry for evrything. Please dont let this get you down. Its not your fault. Im the one not worth anything. _

_Live your life and be happy. Be what I couldnt be. _

_I love you E. Always._

_Jazz_

There are too many things in this one text to think about, but the one that has my attention first is… _Be what I couldn't be._ Why could he talk in past tense? And what would I think could be my fault?

Then it clicks. He's telling me goodbye! He's depressed, he's drunk and he's alone. Fuck!

I start to run as I dial Jake's number. He picks up quickly and I thank the stars for that, because he is forever ignoring his phone.

"Jake! I need you to call the police. Tell them to go to Jasper's office and bring an ambulance. He sent me a text and I think he's going to try and kill himself." I have to stop for a second, out of breath and out of shape.

"Fuck, Edward. Are you serious?" I start running again and it's hard to breathe and talk at the same time.

"Yes! Call them now!" Then I hang up and use my full attention on running as fast as I can, ignoring the pain in my lungs and muscles. All I can think about is running into the office and seeing a bullet in his head. The tears streaming down my face are freezing cold, but I ignore them too.

It takes me five full minutes to get there and I scare the living daylights out of the guard as I bang frantically on the door. I'm so glad Jasper has had the same guard for years and he knows me, because he high tails it to the door clearly worried.

"Joe! Is Jasper still here?" He raises an eyebrow.

"Of course he's here. He's always here." I grab his shoulders and he looks concerned again. "Edward, why…"

I cut him off. "Have you heard anything from his office?" Now he looks confused.

"Well, no. But he's a couple floors up. What could I possible hear?" I don't answer him and instead head for the stairs and run up two flights. I can barely hear Joe's footsteps as he follows me.

I bust through the door to his floor and pray he hasn't already done it, that I'm not too late. My heart beats louder every inch closer, and with all the momentum I have from running I bust open his office door.

For a split second I'm relieved to see recognition in Jasper's eyes, but then the relief is gone and possibly the loudest sound I've ever heard echoes through my ears and my heart.

I rush over to him, and notice he is unconscious. Joe turns the light on behind me and I look him over for the wound when I notice it's not in his head. I can hear sirens getting louder outside and tell Joe to show them in. He runs out of the room and I look back to Jasper.

I see blood seeping into his shirt around a whole just above his heart. I rip the shirt open from the whole and he seems to have missed it, but he's loosing a lot of blood. I don't move him since I hear the paramedics coming down the hall, but I can tell he is still breathing and that's enough to let me breath for now.

There is a flurry of white and red in the room moments later, but my eyes stay locked on his face. I can faintly hear someone ask Joe who I am, and he says I'm Jasper's brother. I will have to kiss him later for that one.

The next thing I know, I am in the ambulance gripping Jaspers hand while the medic tells someone that he is loosing too much blood. All these years in medical school and working in the hospital and none of it helps in this moment. Nothing could have prepared me for watching the man I love barely hanging on to life in front of me.

I can feel the tears dripping onto my hand holding his, but nothing else exists but him and me. And I can't help but tell him before its too late.

"Oh God. Please don't die Jasper. You're my best friend and I can't live without you. You selfish fucking bastard, I need you. You have to survive this because I love you and I need to tell you that. And I'm sorry it's taken me this long. Please Jasper. Please hold on."

I pull his hand up to my lips and kiss it, finding some solace in the warmth that is still there.

There is another flurry of colors and movements and then I'm sitting in a room with Jake and waiting for my dad to come out of surgery. Jake laid my head in his lap and has been running his fingers through my head comfortingly for a while now. I wish I could tell him how much I appreciate him still being here for me even after our relationship ended.

But right now the only things I can manage to leave my lips are sobs. And every few minutes I remember what he looked like unconscious on the stretcher and they start up again. Jake just tries to sooth me through them and keeps a look out for my dad. I know something has changed when Jake sits up straighter.

I dart up from the chairs and see my dad walking into the waiting room. I run over to him but before he says anything he hugs me. I hold on tight not realizing how much I needed his hug. He pulls away from me and holds me by the shoulders, looking into my eyes.

"He's going to be okay Edward. Jasper is going to live. The bullet didn't hit anything, and went straight through. We checked out his shoulder and have stitched him up. All of his vitals are fairly normal. He just needs some more blood and then he'll be fine. He is in a room now, actually, if you want to go see him. Though I'm sure he will be asleep for a while."

I pull him to me again and hug him tightly. "Thank you, dad. Just… Thanks! What's his room number?" I get the information and turn back to Jake.

"Jake, I really appreciate you waiting with me, more than you could ever know. You must be tired though, you don't have to come with me to Jasper's room. I will be alright now that I know he is alright." Jake yawns and then grins at me nodding his head.

"I am beat. Are you sure? You can always call me if you need me… okay? I still care about you and I will be there whenever you need me." I hug and kiss his cheek.

"I know. Thanks Jake. Now go get some sleep and be safe!" He chuckles on his way out and I turn back to my dad. One of his eyebrows is raised in confusion.

"Um, Edward. What was that about?" I forgot that it was only a few hours ago that we split up, no one else knows yet.

"Jake and I aren't together anymore." Then I look behind him towards Jasper's room. "Can I go see him now, Dad?" I look back and can see the realization in his eyes. I'm apparently not as good at hiding my feelings for Jasper as I thought.

Dad smiles gently at me and nods his head. He leads me to the room and steps in ahead of me to look at Jasper's medical chart. I don't pay much attention to him though, because my eyes are all for the beautiful, broken man lying on the bed in front of me.

My heart clenches as the almost peaceful look on his face, so incongruent with his earlier actions. When did he become so depressed he couldn't live with himself anymore? How did I not see the signs?

I should have tried harder to be there for him, to be a bigger part of his life, to be the best friend I claimed to be.

I'll never make that mistake again. I'll never give up on him.

**AN: Thanks to my super duper awesome beta DreamingPoet1988. She has a bunch of great stories so go check out her page too. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Twilight is Meyer's.**

**Chapter 3**

**EPOV**

I've been in this hospital room for hours. So many, that I've lost track. Nurses come and go, checking vitals, replacing fluids, and even checking on me. I only know it's passed morning because my dad came in to tell me that he worked it out with my attending to give me the next few days off.

I only manage to leave the chair next to Jasper's bed when I have to pee so bad it hurts. The nurses bring me food, which I barely eat. And I eat the little bit that I do only because they were so nice to bring it to me and I don't want to seem ungrateful. Though, I'm sure they understand.

Every so often, my mind decides to relive the moments just after I burst into Jasper's office. I can hear the gun going off as clear as the beeping of the hospital machines. Then the image of Jasper lunging back in his chair from the impact and slumping unconsciously. I don't think it will be something I could ever forget.

I lean my head against my arm on the bed, tears filling my eyes again and I try to keep quiet so I won't wake up Jasper.

There are so many things I wish I could have done differently. Most of all, I would have been honest with him from the beginning. Whether he felt the same way or not, he would never have blown me off. Maybe if I trusted him completely then, he would have been able to trust me now with whatever drove him to attempted suicide.

The fingers in my hand twitch and I hear Jasper's rough voice saying my name. Surprised, I sit up straight in the chair to look at him. He looks tired and sad but relief washes over me. He really is going to be okay. I haven't lost him.

Then suddenly I feel anger course through me. How could he be this stupid? How could he try to kill himself when he has a perfectly good best friend there for him? I almost decide to tell him he is an idiot but then I figure that wouldn't be the best thing to tell him first. Maybe later.

Right now he needs me. I'm the only person he has, his only family. I remember what it was like for him to loose his parents and wonder if that was a part of his decision.

But nothing else matters right now. The man I love isn't going to die just yet and I won't let any more time pass without him knowing how I feel.

His mouth opens and I can't let him say anything yet. Not until he knows that I love him, and that he can't die because I need him. I move quickly and hover over him so he can see me clearly and I can look into the beautiful blue eyes I have missed so much.

Apparently the words decide to manifest in the form of my lips crashing into his. What possessed me to kiss him I'll never know but nothing has ever felt as good as him lips against mine. He sucks in a quick breath in shock, but he doesn't push me away.

It's almost painful to remove my lips, but I have to see his face. I need to know what he's thinking. I pull back slowly and open my eyes to look at him. He seems a bit confused but there is hope and a fire in his eyes that I haven't seen since he started his business.

My own hope surges through me and I lean in for another kiss. His lips move against mine this time and I feel like I've died and gone to heaven. I never thought there would be a day that Jasper kissed me. His good arm reaches around me and he uses his hand to coax me closer to him. When our chests touch, a loud sob escapes my lips and I realize I'm still crying, and harder than before.

It's just too good to be true. My heart soars at the implications of this kiss and my pulse picks up. Too soon I need to breathe again.

I pull away from him again and wipe my face off on my shirt sleeve. Jasper takes the chance to scoot over in his bed and slowly turns to lie on his good side, making sure he doesn't jostle his shoulder. He pats the bed lightly and I crawl in facing him.

His face is wet with tears, a mixture of mine and his. I reach up and wipe them away with my thumb. His hand rests on the side of my waist and I can barely comprehend how this is all happening. He urges me closer to him and I bury my face in his neck making sure not to put pressure on his shoulder. I breathe in his scent and memorize it all over again.

A strangled cry leaves my lips, "Jasper." But he seems to know exactly what I'm trying to say. I almost lost him. The kiss, his touch, they almost never happened. His fingers squeeze my side and I lay back straight again.

He leans forward and presses his forehead against mine and closes his eyes. "Love you." He says it so softly I don't hear him at first. I gasp and all the things I want to say are on the tip of my tongue. But before I can say anything I hear his soft snore and realize he has fallen asleep again.

I don't dare move not wanting to hurt his shoulder, and quite honestly I don't ever want to be anywhere else but next to him, touching him. The day seems to catch up with me and I feel my heavy eyes drifting closed. I turn my head to softy kiss Jasper once more before I let sleep over come me.

**JPOV**

That insistent beeping is still in my ear so I must still be in the hospital. My eyes don't want to open and I contemplate going back to sleep but then I feel a body shift against my side. Then the memories of Edward rush through my mind and my eyes fly open and I stare down at the messy auburn hair I didn't notice brushing against my chin.

It was too good to be true… I thought it was all a dream.

This position is much better that the one last night. I have use of my good arm so I bring my hand up to run through Edward's soft locks. A sob catches in my throat. It is almost overwhelming…. thinking I would never be able to do this and then almost taking the possibility away forever.

If I hadn't have been such a scared bastard, and maybe been honest with my best friend who used to understand me better than I did, then maybe we could have been together earlier and avoided this whole fucked up situation.

What am I thinking? I don't have him. He's with Jake, right?

So then, what was last night about? It must have been his emotions getting the best of him. He was probably so worried, and then when I woke up the relief overwhelmed him. He can't love me, because he loves Jake.

The realization causes a pain that just about crushes my heart. But I've had years of reigning in my emotions so I push it to the deepest darkest corner I can and stop running my fingers through his hair.

I don't move though. I'm not so stupid that I would shorten the amount of time I get to touch him, to feel his warm body wrapped around mine.

And I definitely don't smell his hair. Nope.

After a few minutes though, he shifts again and hugs me closer to him. _Fuck, this is torture._ Sweet torture. His head nuzzles into my chest a little and I can't help but rest my hand on his waist and hug him to me a little. I can always feign sleep if he wakes up.

I rub my hand up and down his waist and notice his shirt is hiked up a little, exposing a small sliver of skin. I slid my hand down further to just touch it. Just as my fingers touch the smoothest warm skin, the hospital room door opens and Jake walks in.

I snatch my arm away from Edward's body and hope Jake didn't notice. I look at him with wide eyes and stammering about Edward and I in bed not being what it looks like. Jake just shushes me and tells me it's alright.

He walks over to the bed and looks at Edward with tenderness in his eyes, but it is almost sorrowful too. Then he looks at me and whispers, "He's not mine anymore. He never really was to begin with."

"What are you talking about Jake?" My heart is pounding in my chest and I'm sure it will wake Edward up.

"We broke up last night. We were holding each other back from being truly happy. But anyways, I came to see how you were doing." I haven't talked to anyone about last night yet, but the shame washes over me and I look away embarrassed.

"I'm alright, just my shoulder hurts." I turn my head to look back at him and his glare surprises me.

"Listen, Jasper. I understand why you did this, but now that you have Edward's heart, if you ever do anything like this again I will make sure it looks like you succeeded. Got it?" His glare just increases and when I look at him dumbfounded he raises and eyebrow.

"I… I get it, but what do you mean now that I have his heart?" I look back to Edward and stroke his hair absentmindedly. His face is beautiful, even with the dried tear tracks and puffy eyes from lack of sleep.

"Don't be such a dumbass Jasper. The man hasn't left your side since he found you in your office. You had to have noticed the way he looks at you, the way he has always looked at you. It's the same way that you look at him… the same way I look at him." His voice was almost so quite I didn't hear that last sentence, but only almost.

My head snaps back to see Jake looking at Edward again. There is a single tear running down his cheek and my heart hurts for him. I know how he feels. I have felt the same way for years. I open my mouth to speak, but he cuts me off whispering, "Take care of his heart, Jasper. He deserves to be happy."

I only have time to nod before he turns and walks away leaving me to digest his words and look at the beautiful man cuddled into my side.

Can Jake be telling the truth? Does Edward really love me? Has he _always_loved me? I'm sure I would have noticed something that important before. After all these years there would have been some kind of sign.

Jake's words are just too good to be true. He must be seeing more into the friendship we had… have?

I can't help, though, the hope that surges through me after hearing them. What I wouldn't give to have Edward love me. Apparently even my life. Though, this was not just a cry for attention.

Edward starts to stir beside me and I remove my arm again so I don't startle him. He tenses anyways when he realizes he is lying against another body. His head tilts up and he looks into my eyes.

And then I see it. How I never saw it before, I'm not sure. But it's definitely there. That same look that Jake gives him. The look that I have always wanted and I've had it all along. His eyes start to glisten with unshed tears and he turns his body, lifting himself so he can hover above me.

Edward leans into me, closes his eyes, and presses his sweet lips to mine gently before pulling back. My cheeks feel wet and when I open my eyes I can see he hasn't been crying. They are mine. The relief is too overwhelming to hold them back, so they fall silently down my face.

Jake was right.

Edward's hand reaches up and wipes them away with the pad of his thumb. His fingers trail down the side of my face and neck, his eyes following their movements. I watch his face as he does so, wondering how long this silence will last and if the words will be what I want so badly to hear.

The silence is not uncomfortable. In fact, more has probably been said with his eyes, but it seems like he can't find what is it he wants to say. And I don't really know where we stand beyond the kiss.

Edward's hand slides over my shoulder carefully and then my chest, and the heat from his hand seeps through the thin hospital gown they have me wearing. It rests just above my heart and his eyes close, almost like he is concentrating on the rhythm he can feel. When his green eyes open again they peer into my own and what I find in them says it all.

The pain and worry seem to be rolling off of him, but the love outshines all of it. He seems to be waiting for something, his eyes shifting back and forth between mine looking for a sign.

I lift my hand up to his face and cup his cheek. His eyes close for a moment and he leans into it. When Edward's eyes open again and I have his attention I whisper, "Love you."

The smile that forms on his face is brilliant and makes him look like an angel with the sun shining in from the window behind him, casting a glow around his face and disheveled auburn hair.

"Really?" He asks in his normal voice and the loudness startles me after all the whispered conversation and silent communication.

I chuckle a little at his excitement but still can't understand how I never saw the love in his eyes before. Now it's the only thing I can see.

I move my hand down and press it over his heart, closing my eyes to feel its beat beneath my fingers. I smile when I hear his breath catch and open my eyes again to see his face. The unshed tears are back, but there is still a smile.

"Really, really." He laughs loudly at my Shrek quote (our favorite movie in high school) and then kisses me… hard. But he is still holding back and I can't have any of that. Too long I have gone without his perfect lips. Now I want all of them. I wrap my arm around his shoulders and pull him down closer to me again. He rests his upper body on his forearm next to my head and the rest of his body against me with a leg between mine.

He kisses me more passionately now, his tongue begging entrance and then tangling with mine. Edward's free hand tangles in my hair, tugging slightly, and I'm almost convinced I did die and now I'm in heaven. His body feels perfect against mine, and he tastes divine. Too soon he pulls back and smiles down at me.

"I love you too, Jasper." That has to be the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. I can't help but grin like a fool back at him. There is a sparkle in his eyes now, and I know I put it there. And fuck all if I will ever let it go out again.

"Edward?" I have to stop grinning when I decide to ask him a question. My change in expressions startles him and he turns his head questioningly.

I bring my hand back up to his heart and feel it beat for a moment before smiling gently and looking into his beautiful green eyes. "Edward, will you be mine?"

A smile slowly creeps its way onto his face and he says, "I've always been yours Jasper. And I always will be." Then he leans forward again and captures my lips with his again.

I can't think anymore. All I know are Edward's lips and hands, his body pressed against mine, and his whole being surrounding me. I am his, and he is mine. Nothing else matters anymore.

**AN: I think I might leave it here and do an epilogue. What do you guys think? Thanks for reading and reviewing! And thanks to Dreamingpoet1988 for beta-ing for me :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: **Soooo, I split the epilogue into two parts. It wanted to be longer that what I planned :D I decided to go ahead and end the story since I have plans for another story with a similar theme. I've been wanting to write that story since I started writing and don't want to use my ideas for that story in this one. Thank you everyone who has been reviewing and favorite-ing the story. I appreciate all the love!

**Disclaimer: **Meyer's owns all things Twilight

Epilogue part 1

JPOV

_4 months later_

If you had told me six months ago that I would end up happy and with the man I love, I would have laughed in your face and then drowned myself in liquor. But here I am, after what feels like a lifetime, together with Edward in my apartment and watching a movie. He keeps sneaking glances at me and then shyly smiling when I catch him.

He looks back towards the movie but I know what he is still thinking. It is still so unbelievable that we are together. I catch myself just watching him too, wondering how these last fucked up years led me to him. How after everything, we still managed to be together.

I'm not complaining though. I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life, even more so than when we were kids and didn't have a care in the world. I have Edward, I am reshaping my company so it will be like my original vision, and I'm _alive._

After the hospital released me, Edward urged me to go to therapy. Truthfully, I didn't think it necessary since I knew Edward loved me, and that was all I ever wanted. But I went for him and I'm glad I did. As much as I love Edward, and trust him, there were still things I didn't want to share with him yet and therapy helped me work it all out.

Dr. Brandon has to be a miracle worker, I'm sure. She just listened to me for the first couple visits and then started to help me rationalize all my misguided thoughts. She never made me feel like it was wrong to believe the things I did, only to see the reality. She helped me to put it behind me and forgive myself for the attempted suicide and the wasted years of my life.

I know I still have issues and we are still working on things, but I've never felt better about my self and my life. Though, as much as it has done for me, it has also done for Edward. The better I get, the more he smiles and the less he worries.

I know that the first week after my incident was the worst for him. I tried telling him that now that he was mine, I would never leave him, in any way. He knew the issues ran further than the loneliness I felt and didn't want to risk me slipping into that extreme depression again. He just didn't understand that his love could help me through anything.

Not to mention, he never left my side unless he had to go to work or I was in therapy. He let Jake keep their apartment and I asked him to move in with me so he wouldn't have to find a new place. It may have been a bit fast but I didn't care and I think he was happy that I wouldn't be alone anymore. He was a little overprotective that first month, but I couldn't be angry with him for something that was my fault.

I have a second bedroom and we decided he would move in there for a little while until I started seeing a therapist and things calmed down enough for us to be together. Plus it gave him his own space in case he ever needed to be alone.

We spent most of the first month catching up. It had really been years since we were true best friends and we wanted to fix that first before we dove into a love relationship. We watched movies and talked and played video games like we used to do when we were kids. The only difference was the casual touches and kisses, and the occasional making out like teenagers on the couch. It was everything I had wanted all those years ago.

We were going slowly and making sure things didn't get fucked up before they had a chance to start. After two months Edward started sleeping with me at night. We still didn't have a very physical relationship, but it made more sense than falling asleep on the couch together and waking up with cricks in our necks.

I learned about his nightmares when that started. Every few days, or so, he would wake up with a cold sweat and gasping for air, occasionally crying. It took me a few of those nights to finally get him to tell me about the dream. He had been helping me so much and I wanted to be there for him too.

I stared at him in shock when he told me that he kept dreaming of the night that he walked in on me in my office with the gun pointed at my chest, only in his dreams I didn't miss. After a few seconds I grabbed him and crushed him to me. He started crying earnestly and I joined him too. I had no idea it affected him so much still. I couldn't imagine dreaming of him dying night after night.

I tried my best to reassure him that I was alive and with him and would never go anywhere, that I loved him and could never consider suicide again. I had too much to live for and that I wanted to live for him. That same night I told him everything thought and action that happened up to when I shot myself. How worthless and lonely I had felt. And the surge of relief that went through me when I saw Edward.

And then I told him about how alive I feel every day because of him. Because he loves me and has shown me what life should be like. That I am grateful for every day I have with him because I almost lost it all. And that I would _never_ try it again because I have a reason to live now. I have him and his love and I don't need anything else.

The nightmares decreased after that, and I was there whenever he did have them again to reassure him that I wasn't going anywhere. He asked me once what would I do if anything ever happened to him. He was still worried that if for some reason he died that I would try and kill myself again. Admittedly the first thought I had was that I would be right behind him, but looking into his eyes I knew that I wouldn't be able to do that. Instead, I told him that I would just have to live for the both of us and I would never stop loving him no matter what.

I asked Edward to attend a couple therapy sessions with me when I wasn't so embarrassed to share all my problems with him. I think seeing the progress I was making helped him to feel more confident in me. His nightmares haven't shown up for two weeks now.

The movie finally ends and draws me out of my thoughts. Edward takes our empty glasses to the kitchen and then walks back to the couch offering me his hand and a shy smile. It's still a bit early for bed, so I'm curious as to what he wants to do. He pulls me up slowly from the couch and towards the stereo. He flips it on and some loud pop music plays causing him to curse at it and fumble with the buttons until a cd starts playing.

I laugh at him and he blushes and mumbles about stupid stereos and tons of buttons that serve no purpose. The cd he picked sounds like one of his mixes of classic rock and reminds me of the kinds of songs we would play on our guitars in high school. I think back to that photo I have of Edward the first day I met him and I get lost in thoughts of his auburn hair whipping side to side in the wind.

Edward squeezes my hand and smiles at my glazed over eyes, probably guessing what I was thinking about, or at least the guitar part. "Will you dance with me Jasper?" I chuckle at his shy, innocent face and take his hand again. He pulls me close to him and I rest my head on his shoulder with my other hand gripping his bicep. We rock together for a few songs and Edward occasionally kisses my neck and whispers his love for me into my ear.

It's a perfect moment, one of many that he has given me these last few months. Edward is so sweet and romantic that I have no idea how Jake gave him up. But you won't hear me complaining. I wouldn't trade him for anything.

He pulls back to look into my eyes and asks, "Will you go out dancing with me this weekend, and some friends?" He asks the last bit kind of fast, like he was hoping I wouldn't hear it. Truthfully Edward and I have been holed up in my apartment for most of these last four months just trying to enjoy the time together alone and work on us.

I'm a bit worried to be around so many people so fast, but the hopeful look in his eyes makes the decision for me. "Sure, baby. Who all will be going?"

He looks away and mumbles, "Jake, Seth, Bella, and Mike." I laugh at him and he just looks at me.

"Baby, why do you think I would be upset if Jake was there?" He pulls me back down to the couch, still holding my hand.

"It's just that after I learned everything I thought it meant you never liked Jake. And because he is my ex-boyfriend, I didn't know if you would be jealous even though you have nothing to worry about because you know I love you and you're the only." I cup my hand over his mouth and he stops talking.

"You're rambling Edward. I'm fine with Jake. In fact, if it weren't for him we wouldn't be together. And it's not that I didn't like him, I was jealous that he had you. We've even been talking and I went to lunch with him a couple times that you had to work. Besides he has Seth now and you have to admit you've never seen him happier." I smile thinking about Jake threatening me in the hospital and before I can get caught up in the past Edward brings me back with a soft kiss.

"I know Jazz. I just wanted to take you out and was worried you wouldn't want to go. It's ok if you aren't ready to hang out with other people. I just thought it would be fun." I brush my thumb across his cheek and smile at him. I could never deny this beautiful man anything.

"I would love to go Edward. It will be nice to get out of the apartment for a little while and be normal. And besides I wouldn't pass up an opportunity where you would be hot and sweaty and pressed up against me all night." I wiggle my eyebrows at him and he laughs.

We end up going to bed early. I'm still taking things slow with Edward, so like usual we just cuddle up together, kiss a bit, and go to sleep.

Now don't get me wrong, we have a hard time keeping our hands off one another most of the time, and have explored each other's bodies extensively. But I've been waiting for Edward to be ready. I think has been worried about me and afraid to give me all of him until he really believes that I am not going anywhere. For now, it's enough to just touch him and kiss him, to bring him pleasure with my hands and mouth.

The next day proves to be interesting. I don't think I will ever get tired of waking up with Edward sprawled across my body and his hair tickling my nose. It still seems a bit surreal in those first moments when I wake up, but then he stirs in my arms and looks up at me, and his brilliant green eyes tell me he is mine.

He has been excited all day about going dancing tonight, and his enthusiasm is very contagious. Edward has already picked out our clothes and called Jake twice to make sure everyone was still going. After dinner I had to pin him down on the couch and kiss him senseless just to calm him down, or maybe it was because he's fucking adorable. It was one of those reasons.

Thankfully, I can distract him for a long time with my mouth and before he knows it he is in the shower and I'm getting dressed in the room. He picked out some black jeans and a thin blue shirt for me to wear.

My mouth drops open when he walks out of the bathroom in dark blue jeans that hug his ass and a deep green skintight shirt that makes his eyes pop. I almost miss his whispered "fuck" before he walks across the room and devours me with his mouth. I bury my fingers in his hair and know the resulting messy look is only going to make him look sexier.

He trails his lips along my jaw and nibbles on my ear before he groans softly in the back of his throat. "Fuck Jasper, you're so sexy. We need to get out of here now or I'm going to throw you on the bed and lick every inch of your body."

"You know, that's not a good argument to get me to leave faster." And just to emphasize my point, I pull him by the hips flush against me and bite his shoulder. He growls but pushes me away and points towards the door. I pretend to pout and he just slaps my ass and pushes me until we are out of the apartment.

We meet up with our friends at a gay club a few blocks down the street from where we live. I'm a bit nervous to be around so many people at once but Edward grabs my hand and squeezes it reassuringly. I can face anything with him by my side.

The music is loud and I can feel the bass pounding in my bones. The place is packed and there are half-naked men everywhere. We manage to find a table close to the dance floor and the six of us take a seat.

This is really the first time I am meeting Seth, Jake's boyfriend. He's been talking about Seth for a few months and the light in Jake's eyes when he mentions him is beautiful. It just makes the situation all the more miraculous. I will never understand how something so dark and morbid could bring all this love together.

That night that Jake visited me in the hospital and walked in with Edward asleep in my arms was the night that he ran into Seth, an old friend of his from high school. Seth was in the hospital because his dad had a heart attack and Jake stayed with him for support until Seth's mom arrived. His dad pulled through okay and a couple days later he called Jake so they could get together and catch up.

They spent a few weeks hanging out and getting to know each other again. Jake said then that he might one day want to pursue things, but didn't want to push Seth after what happened to his dad. And then one night Seth just asked Jake if he wanted to go out, on a date. Seth tended to be impatient and definitely wasn't going to wait for Jake to make the first move.

They've been together three months now and from what I've seen so far tonight, Jake seems to be completely enamored with Seth. Jake keeps whispering in his ear and lightly touching his arm or his cheek. It's rather adorable to watch. I even caught Edward smiling at them. I know he's glad that Jake found someone who seems to really care about him.

Edward gets up to go get us something to drink and Jake leans closer to me so I can hear him. "He looks happy, doesn't he?" My eyes haven't left Edward so I nod my head in acknowledgement. "I'm glad that you are doing well, Jasper. It's good to see the real you and not the shell of a man you were."

I look at him seriously now, "I wouldn't have any of this if it weren't for you Jake. You letting him go saved me. It gave me my life back." He smiles and then looks back to Edward.

"It saved his life, too. I couldn't go another day knowing he wasn't with the other half of his heart. It was tearing him apart and me too." He looks back at me knowingly and I nod my head.

"Thank you, Jake." He smiles and then turns to talk to Seth. My eyes find Edward again and I get lost in watching him. He just stands there waiting for the drinks and doesn't even notice all the eyes on him. He has no idea how beautiful he is.

I start to turn back to the conversation at the table until I notice a _very_ good looking guy tap Edward on the shoulder. The man is tall and tanned, with a mess of black hair and muscles that threatened to rip his shirt apart. My heart beats a little faster when my head starts thinking of Edward falling for him and his hot body. Why would he be with me if he could have a guy like _that_?

I move to stand up and go make my claim when a strong hand grabs my shoulder and keeps me in my seat. I flash Jake a murderous look but he just shakes his head and says "Watch." My eyes fly back to Edward just as the guy reaches a hand up to caress _my boyfriend's_ cheek. I see red, but before I can even move Edward's hand wraps around the guys wrist and removes it from his face. Then he politely dismisses him and turns back to grab the tray of shots.

Jake whispers in my ear, "You have his heart, Jasper. Don't ever forget it." I nod but never look away from _my_ man. He sits back down next to me and kisses my cheek before passing out the shots. Edward gives me that crooked smile I love so much and I can't help but smile back knowing he is all mine.

Edward raises his shot and we all follow suit. "To life and love," he toasts and after we repeat it, we throw our drinks back. It's the first drink I've had since that night so it burns but I don't let it faze me. Then Edward grabs my hand and drags me to the dance floor.

We stop near the middle and he pulls me into his body, my back against his chest and his arms hugging me to him. His breath is hot against my neck and I lose myself in the movement of his body. His hips grind against me to the same beat as the thrumming in my bones and it feels like our bodies are moving as one and our hearts are beating as one.

A few songs later he turns me in his arms and pushes a knee between my legs, grabbing my hips and pulling me until we are chest to chest, all the while never losing the beat. Our foreheads press together and I can almost taste his breath. His eyes are closed and he seems so lost in the music. He is fucking gorgeous like this and I'm so glad to finally be the one wrapped around him. To have Edward's jean-clad and hard as hell cock grinding into me, hit scent surrounding and intoxicating me, and his body clinging to mine like his life depends on it.

I can't resist any more so I kiss him hard on the lips. And it's like I opened a flood gate. He groans loud enough I can feel it against my lips and his tongue invades my mouth, tasting every inch. His arms pull me in impossibly closer and his knee grinds in harder on my cock. I'm close to coming in my pants before I pull away from him.

I look at him for two seconds, panting and sweaty and eyes on fire, before I decide to drag him home. I yank him by the wrist over to the table and throw down some cash before saying goodnight to all the knowing smiles. Thank fuck we live close because if we had to take a cab, I'm sure the driver would have seen more than he would have liked to.

We practically sprint the whole way down the street and up to the apartment. I fumble for the keys and Edward's hands all over me do not help. I finally get the door open and Edward shoves me inside, slamming the door and practically stalks towards me. The fire in his eyes grows with every step until he grabs me by the neck and pulls me into a searing kiss.

When we finally need to breathe, he hugs me closer to him and kisses my neck. I fucking whimper when he whispers in my ear, "Bedroom, now."

**AN: **Thank you DreamingPoet1988 for being my awesome beta! And thanks everyone for reading and reviewing!


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: **Last one… I love these boys and I'm sad it's over. Now to focus on other projects! Hope you guys like it and thanks for all the amazing reviews.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing!

EPILOGUE PART 2

EPOV

Jasper's eyes close and his lips part, releasing all the breath in his lungs. He breathes in slowly through his nose and when he opens up those striking blue eyes again I stop breathing. I've never seen so much passion in his gaze before. Jasper is so open and exposed that I can see straight to his soul. And it's beautiful.

"Are you sure you are ready E? Not just for making love, for us… for me?" His hands slide around my waist and he pulls my body flush against his. I know Jasper isn't perfect and he's still working on his issues. But, hell, I've got issues too. As long as we are together though, I know everything will be alright.

I know it will be because nothing has ever felt this right. Being in Jasper's arms is the safest I have ever felt, he is my home. And as long as I have him I'll be ready for anything.

I kiss the side of his neck and I feel him shiver slightly. My lips brush against his cheek, then his eye lids and finally reach home to his lips. They move languidly together for a few moments before I pull back with a smile on my face.

"I am so ready, Jazz." I lean in to whisper in his ear, "Make me yours."

He groans loudly and then bends down, grabs me by the back of my thighs and lifts me up. A pretty embarrassing noise escapes my lips in surprise before I wrap my legs around his waist and hold on. He takes me to our bed and lowers me down gently, hovering enough to assault me with kisses.

Then I notice he is chuckling a little. He pulls away and stands up straight with a goofy grin on his face. I quirk an eyebrow as a silent question and his grin only widens.

"You squealed… like a girl." I must have a horrified look on my face because he laughs harder.

"I did not!" Jasper's laughing subsides enough to give me a look that says _really _and I smile a little. "Ok maybe I squealed… but it was a manly squeal." He shakes his head and keeps laughing.

"Well, if you are going to laugh at me… can you at least do it naked?" That seems to have sobered him up. Jasper closes his mouth and his eyes lock on mine as he pulls his shirt off. He reaches for the hem to my shirt and I lift up so he can remove it, his fingers leaving trails of fire the whole way up.

I sit up and pull him towards by his belt loops. Keeping eye contact, I pop open the button to his jeans and lean forward to pull his zipper down with my teeth. His eyes close and he bites his lip, but I continue and drag his pants down his long legs. Jasper brushes them to the side with his foot and then he is standing before me with only his tight black boxer briefs left.

I run my nose along the outline of his cock and then blow my hot breath on it from base to tip. I reach up to pull down the underwear and he grabs my wrists to stop me. When I look up he pushes me back on the bed, pinning my wrists above my head and mumbling "so fucking sexy."

"Edward, if you touch my dick right now I am going to cum before we even get started and I want to be in that tight ass of yours when I do." All I can do is smirk. I love the effect I have on him. Jasper lets go of my wrists and trails his hands down my arms and chest, purposefully running his thumb over my nipples as he travels further. I arch into his touch, trying to feel more.

Then his fingers are popping the button on my jeans and pulling the zipper down. His fingers grip the waistband and my boxers and he pulls them both down at the same time, tossing them somewhere off to the side. He stands back up straight and gazes down at me with hunger in his eyes. I've never felt so desired in my life.

Jasper's voice is thick with want as he whispers, "Get in the middle of the bed." I scramble backwards and settle my head onto a pillow. Jasper crawls on top and devours me with a kiss. It's full of passion and want and need and I can't get enough. I wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck and pull him down on to me, desperate to be as close to him as possible.

He pulls back and I whine. We are both panting as he brushes my cheek with his thumb and says, "Shh, baby, I know. I feel it too. I've got you… let me take care of you." He kisses me sweetly on the lips and then runs his fingers across my cheeks and jaw. He starts to kiss his way down my chest and stomach, his fingers following the path of his lips.

He's touching every inch of me, like he is worshipping my body. Jasper scoots back to continue down my hips to my legs and back up to repeat his ministrations on the other side. I'm so keyed up from his wet lips and feather light touches that I yell out "fuck" when he licks my dick from base to tip.

Jasper doesn't even give me a moment to catch up before his lips are engulfing me and his tongue is swirling around the head. I can't help but arch into him, trying to go deeper, but he holds me down with one hand. The other moves lazily up and down my thigh, trying to calm me down a bit.

When my breathing even out, his hand reaches up and pushes two into my mouth. I suck on them eagerly, wrapping my tongue around and in between them, wishing it was his cock. Jasper moans when I suck hard and removes them, bringing them down to circle my entrance.

I want him so badly that it doesn't take long to prepare me, especially with his perfect mouth still loving my cock. His fingers graze my prostate and I see stars. "Now Jasper, please. I'm ready." He stops and crawls back up my body to kiss me lazily before reaching over to the nightstand and grabbing the lube and a condom.

Jasper prepares himself and puts some extra lube on me, before lining his cock up with my entrance. He doesn't push in right away. Instead, he leans forward again and touches our foreheads together. "Are you sure Edward? There is no going back after this. I won't let you go, ever."

His eyes are closed and lips parted, his body trembling with his desire. So beautiful. And he still pushes his wants aside to take care of me. Who wouldn't want to be his?

"I'm positive, baby. I have always been yours and I don't plan on going anywhere. You're stuck with me forever."

He laughs lightly before lifting his head to look in my eyes. His smile is sweet and his eyes brighter than I have ever seen before. It makes him look younger, almost like the boy I grew up with.

Then he starts to push inside me and my breath catches and I close my eyes. "No Edward, open your eyes. Look at me." My lids fly open at his request and I concentrate on Jasper's face. He enters me slowly and it hurts a little, but with every inch Jasper's eyes get darker and his nose flares a little. The moment is so intimate I feel like more than just our bodies are connecting, that our souls are joining too.

When he is seated fully inside me, Jasper leans down and presses his lips to mine. I swipe my tongue out to taste his lips and his mouth opens granting me entrance. When my tongue touches his I groan and push back against him, urging him to move. He pulls out slightly and then pushes back in slowly. He keeps up a lazy pace for a few moments.

I wrap my legs around his waist and my hands get tangled in his long blonde hair. His body moves slowly against me, our tongues and breaths mingle together between our lips. I am completely surrounded by and filled by Jasper, and it's perfect.

Sooner than I prefer my stomach is tightening and the sliding of Jasper's stomach against my dick has me close to the edge. But I need more. Jasper must sense it because he lifts up off me and brings my legs up to rest on his shoulders. His long fingers wrap around the top of my thighs and then he pumps one time into me, long and hard.

I groan in appreciation and he does it again, grazing my prostate this time. He picks up speed after a few thrusts and I am a moaning mess underneath him. I know he is close when he starts to grunt every other time. I reach down to wrap my hand around my cock, pumping into my fist every time he pulls out.

"Fuck, Jasper. Feels so good." My words cause him to lock eyes with me and he bites his lip. He's so sexy like this, his muscles clenching with his effort and sweat dripping down his neck. His eyes are bright and his hair a mess.

I feel my balls tighten and I know I'm almost there. My eyes close and my head falls back into the pillow, my hand flying up and down my shaft. Jasper's fingers tighten and dig into my skin and he pants out, "Come with me, Edward."

I open my eyes just as his close. His brow crinkles and his mouth falls open before his hips lose their rhythm and pound against me. I can feel him twitch inside me as he releases and I finally fall over the edge. I throw my head back into the pillow and moan Jasper's name as I milk my release.

Jasper falls on top of me and I wrap my arms around him, ignoring his softening cock and the mess in between us. I run my fingers through his hair until our breathing evens out and he rolls off of me to clean us up.

He slides back in bed and pulls me close to him, my back to his chest. He rests his head against mine, wraps his arm around my waist and sighs contentedly. After a few minutes it sounds like he falls asleep, but he clears his throat and it startles me.

"Edward, do you want to get married?" I turn my head to look at him.

"What?" I don't mean to sound so shocked, but that question came from nowhere.

He chuckles lightly and continues. "I've just been thinking of the future lately and what I want. We've never talked about the future, other than that we wanted to be together. I think I would like to get married one day, and take your name if you'll let me. And I want to travel. I've always thought Italy would be a great place to visit."

I cut him off before he can continue. "You… You want to take my name? Why?" I turn in his arms so I can face him. He has a beautiful smile on his face and it warms my heart.

"Because you are my family, E, and I love you. I want to give you all of me. I've been so alone for so long that I want to feel like part of a family. We don't have to get married right now. Maybe after I get all my shit straight, when I'm good enough for you…"

I push him onto his back and straddle him, both my hands cupping his cheeks. "Stop that. You _are_ good enough for me. I love you just the way you are, damaged and all. You are everything I want and more. And I would marry you tomorrow if you wanted too." I kiss his nose and then his lips. Jasper smiles up at me when I pull away and there is a sparkle in his eyes.

"You want to marry me?" He's grinning now and it's fucking beautiful.

"Of course. Laws be damned, you will be my husband someday… sooner than later I hope." Jasper laughs and pulls me down so he can wrap his arms around my back, hugging me to him.

"Fuck, E. I've never felt so happy in my life. Thank you for loving me. You've given me my life back and made it immensely better in the process. I can't imagine sharing it with anyone else." He rolls us back on our sides and I wrap my body around him, burying my face in his neck. He feels like home, safe and full of love.

"Me either baby." Jasper squeezes me tighter and my heart feels like it might burst out of my chest.

"What else do you want? What's your dream?" I hadn't really thought much about the future. I've just known that Jasper would always be in it.

"To be honest, you were always my dream. I haven't thought much past that. But thinking about it now, I think I would like to open my own my practice. I hate the hospital schedule and I'd like to be more one on one with my patients." Jasper nods his head in understanding.

"That sounds great baby. When you are almost done with your training we should look into a location and equipment. Between me and your father you should have no problem getting a place started." I just stare at him in shock. I know without a doubt my father can help me, but for Jasper to just put himself out there selfishly is amazing.

"You would really do that for me. Do you have any idea how much that…"

He cuts me off with a shush sound. "Don't worry about that. I had nothing better to do with my time, so a lot of the money that I got from those teeny bopper albums I invested. As long my business is kicking we will be set for life." He grins down at me and I realize we still have a lot to talk about, more parts of our lives to meld together.

"You are amazing, Jasper. I love you." He pulls me tighter into him, almost bone crunching but I never want to be free from it.

"So you never commented on my desire to travel." He chuckles and relaxes his arms, his thumb lightly stroking my shoulder.

"Oh, well I got distracted with premature marriage proposals and mentions of name changes. I would love to travel. Maybe we could do that before I open up my own practice. I know that is going to take a lot of time and energy, and I don't know when I would have that much time to go overseas. I would probably have to hire a second doctor to work with me before we could go again."

Jasper is quite for a moment, and then looks down at me. "When is your training complete?"

"I have about two more years before I am on my own. Why?" His face lights up and I find myself smiling back at him just from the happiness I can see in his eyes.

"Well, Italy would be a beautiful place to honeymoon." My breath catches. Earlier was more or less just talk, putting an idea out there. But this… this is setting a tentative date, making a plan.

"Really? I know it's still two years away, but you are sure enough to pick a time? You're not worried about whether you will be ready or not?"

His hand cups my cheek and caresses it softly. "I'm ready now, baby. I just think we should give ourselves some time. I don't want to rush into anything and we have forever to be together, but I've never wanted anything more in my life."

He sounds so sure and I know I wouldn't want anything else. "It sounds like a great idea, Jazz. A wedding, honeymoon, and opening my own doctor's office… spending forever with you. It's fucking perfect." I turn my head and kiss the inside of his palm. "I love you Jasper."

He leans down and presses his lips to mine. The kiss is full of love and promise, and I know I will be happy as long as he is by my side.

"I love you too E."

Life isn't going to be easy all the time, and we still have a lot to learn about each other, but together we can make it through anything. We've figured out the hard way what it is like to be without the other, and it was a dark part of our past that has forever shaped our future.

As I look into the eyes of the man I love, I know that I wouldn't change how things happened, because we needed to learn how much we meant to each other. And sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can truly appreciate what is in front of you. I have a beautiful man offering me a future better than I ever could have hoped for, and I will never take him for granted.

**AN: **Thanks to DreamingPoet1988 for beta-ing. Check out her page for some awesome stories!


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